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Bar Girls Explained: The Truth About Pattaya Bar Girls (Part 2)

Continued from ...
Bar Girls Explained: The Truth About Pattaya Bar Girls (Part 1)
Fool in paradise?
Pattaya Gogo girl
Sexy Thai girl or ladyboy?
Bar girls waiting for customers outside their bar
Sexy bar girl in Jomtien
Thai bar girl table-dancing
13) Thai Bar Girls are submissive.
A definite "No". In fact, most bar girls, just like any other Thai women, are actually very dominant and bossy, extremely jealous, often tetchy, and may quickly resort to violent behaviour, e.g. throwing bottles or glasses, when verbal confrontations get out of hand. Especially if you give your bar girl(friend) reason to be jealous, you'll quickly find out how aggressive and irrational these petite little creatures can be ...
If you're here for a brief holiday only you will probably get a completely different impression and, because you are a paying client and get "first class" treatment for your money, feel like the king himself. In reality, this "light" version of an affair with a bar girl is rather trappy as it reflects merely the commercial side of Farang-Thai bar girls relationships. Things do change abruptly, however, when "holiday love affairs" get more serious and go beyond the scope of a clear-cut sex worker/sex client relationship.

14) Pattaya Bar Girls are jealous.
A definite "Yes" here. As probably 99% of all Thai women, Pattaya bar girls, including ex-bar girls, can be extremely jealous. Don't think just because they work as prostitutes who wouldn't mind going to bed with a married man, or a guy who usually stays with a girl from another bar, they would let you get away with it if you did the same, with another girl in another bar. If you're a "butterfly" and enjoy "f***ing around", you might be facing serious problems with your lady, even if you have stayed with her (bar-fined her) for only a couple of days and you're not in a conventional relationship.
What may surprise many Pattaya "newbies": If you take a certain girl from a given bar, and the next day want to take another girl from the same bar (they're just prostitutes you think, so why should they care?) Girl no.1 would most likely be jealous and resent both you and her rival, possibly to the extent that Girl No.2 might reject your offer or, in the worst-case scenario, both girls engage in a cat fight. As a rule of thumb: if you want to change your girl every now and then, you better change the bar as well.
If you're in Pattaya only for a holiday and your lady hasn't yet developed a more profound (=financial) interest in you, problems will likely not be too serious. If her jealousy still gets out of hand, we'd simply advise you to split up with her, stay on your own for a while or look for another lady with a more relaxed attitude (if such a bar girl species exists); after all, you're just here to enjoy your vacation.
If you have entered a more serious relationship with a (former) bar girl, things will be much more complicated as she'll basically expect the same loyalty of you as if you were her husband. If you still want to enjoy occasional "extramarital activities" you better be careful and stick to short-time bars in distant areas, don't let yourself get "caught in the act" (this includes harmless situations where - say - a street vendor or motorcycle taxi driver sees you sit with another girl in a bar somewhere at the end of nowhere, and passes this information on to your girlfriend), avoid love bites, don't give your phone number to other girls etc. If you throw caution to the winds your "Thai wife number one" might soon develop symptoms similar to those of rabies. As stated above, Thai bar girls can be very irrational and aggressive and may quickly resort to violent behaviour.
Arguments may start mildly, with your lady crying and whining (you not love me!) and gradually get nastier: via irrational shouting and screaming (you bullshit me) to throwing objects (f**k you!) and finally attacking you, in the best case only with her tiny fists ...
To cut a long story short: If you're in Pattaya for a holiday only, especially as a first-time visitor, and don't really need round-the clock escort or "babysitting" service (i.e. a "holiday girlfriend" bar-fined on a daily basis) you're probably better off staying on your own and not sticking to the same lady for a week or so. Instead, go bar-hopping and "sample a little of everything."

15) Pattaya Bar Girls eat all the time.
True: Thai bar girls seem to be eating all the time, i.e. unless they sleep or watch telly. And indeed, this is not an illusion. Bar girls, same as every other Thai, can eat perhaps up to 10 times a day, though usually just small portions of their beloved (spicy and stinking) Isaan dishes. For Thai people food is an essential part of their culture, and eating, especially in the company of friends and co-workers, with as many plates and different dishes as possible on the table, is virtually a ceremony or a social event, just like going to the temple and giving alms to monks. While you're always welcome to join them and grab some delicacies from their plates (Thais actually enjoy sharing their food and don't like to eat on their own) please do not disrupt them! In the best case, they would simply ignore you.

16) Bar Girls are lazy.
Let's face it: many bar girls are a bit lazy and just live day to day. Unless they're at work many will just be sitting in their rooms vegetating in front of the TV, watch silly soap operas or read equally silly cartoon books. Or they'll be hanging around with friends, drinking, playing cards and gambling in their rooms. Even at work in the bar, many bar girls seem to be just lounging around, chatting and eating their with their co-workers, watching soap operas on TV, playing games on their smartphones or manicuring their fingernails. And the occasional chat with a customer, shuffling to the fridge to serve him a beer, empty the ash-tray when it overflows, do the dishes and a bit of cleaning etc. isn't really challenging and physically hard work either, is it? Obviously not. And while there's really not much more to working in a bar, the truth is that many bar girls are really too lazy to do anything more (i.e. except for "making money on their backs") and wouldn't even work in a factory if that paid 50,000 Baht a month. Now that's one side of the coin, and girls who fall in this category do naturally not suit as long-term "girlfriends" either.
On the other hand, bar girls (not GoGo dancers usually) have long working days of sometimes 12 hours or more and usually not more than a day or two off per month. And would you really call an usher or doorman lazy just because he's physically not very active while working? To be fair, it must also be noted that there are many brilliant working girls in Pattaya who are anything but lazy. These are those who voluntarily do your laundry on the morning after your very first night with them, clean your room, prepare your food etc. They will drive you around on their motorbikes all day, show you all the great places to visit, go jogging with you, swimming ... When you're in their bars they won't only sit with you drinking beer and lady drinks but will empty your ash-tray every 10 minutes, give you a back massage, clean the table, cook you some food (if the bar has a kitchen) or even climb a ladder to clean a ceiling fan or change a broken bulb.
In fact, Thai women in general often do jobs Western women would be reluctant to do, e.g. work on construction sites. This hands-on mentality also applies to many bar girls who mostly have rice-farming backgrounds in rural areas and are therefore often used to physically hard work. Often these girls might not even drink alcohol, enjoy gambling or going out to discos, but are more concerned about their families, their individual future and an alternative "career" other than in the sex trade. Naturally these girls don't really want to work in a bar for too long but just do it to make enough money to support their family in the village and secretly yearn for a quiet life with a "good" husband either upcountry or in his home country. Of course, such rare jewels among bar girls are usually also more reliable, especially when it comes to money. So, unless you're just into quick sex and prefer to change your bed partner regularly, these are obviously the girls you should be looking for; especially if you want to take your girl back to your country or plan to start a business with her in Thailand.
In other words: The prejudice that bar girls are lazy is not really a misconception but simply doesn't apply to all. While there are extremes at both sides of the spectrum (admittedly mostly at the "lazy end") the majority of bar girls is probably somewhere in between: not necessarily lazy but with a healthy taste for an easy and relaxed lifestyle.

17) Thai Bar Girls are all slim and petite.
In comparison with your average Western madame, most Thai girls seem to be supersexy, slim and have a wasp waist, right? We acknowledge that as far as the younger girls working in GoGo bars are concerned, this first impression may be 100% correct. (GoGo bars also have the "natural advantage" that you can actually inspect a lady's body in its natural dress before paying her bar fine.) Talking about "average" bar girls in beer bars, however, the situation is slightly different as you virtually "buy a pig in a poke".
In fact, from a closer point of view, i.e. after you've taken her back to your room and she's finally stripped off her clothes (provided she's left the lights on in this critical moment?) many girls are actually less petite than they appear to be in their fancy bar dress and may seem a bit chubby or pompui nit noi. Fact is that, according to figures released by Thailand's Public Health Ministry in 2008, 60% of Thai women were overweight. This is usually blamed on unhealthy nutrition and little or no exercise. According to a survey from 2010, where only 40% of Thai women had a "waistline measuring more than 32 inches, which is the standard," the situation seems to have only slightly improved since. And many bar girls in Pattaya, it seems, make no exception ... but why?
The undeniable fact that at least 95% of bar girls in Pattaya have given birth to at least one child - some even two or three and often at a relatively tender age - is obviously the main reason. A second reason are certainly their unhealthy "hobbies": sleep (as long as possible), eat (as often as they can) and drink (as long as someone else is paying). Little exercise, of course, doesn't help keep the waistline slim either. As a rough rule of thumb one can say: the more children a bar girl has, the older she is and the unhealthier her lifestyle, the "bigger" she will likely be - for Thai standards.
While our assessment may be a bit disagreeable to hear for some, there's absolutely no reason to panic or cancel your holidays now! There are still enough sexy slim Thai girls in Pattaya who will come up to your expectations of petite Asian women; if that's what you like? Petite babes are still in the majority, you may just have to search a bit longer than 20 or 30 years ago. And let's face it, what reflection do most of us see in their mirror? "Sexy men"? Fool if you believe the lips of a bar girl!
One of the most persistent and controversial misconceptions about Thai bar girls is the following one.

18) Thai Bar Girls are no prostitutes.
Wrong. By definition, a woman that sells sexual services or, let's rather say, her companionship for money, is by definition a prostitute or an escort girl. And the only reason why bar girls do the bar job is, in the first place, financial. Let's face it: It's the prospect of making money they have come to Pattaya for, not the beaches, bars and golf courses, or the prospect of meeting you!
Every Thai girl would naturally - instead of starting a "career" as a bar girl and dating foreign men who can't even speak her native language, understand her culture or mentality - much rather stay with a Thai man somewhere in the village. It's simply the prospect of making "easy" money which drives an Isaan rice farmer's daughter to Pattaya. If by accidence, she should come across a possible future husband from a Western "land of milk and honey" in Pattaya (in the opinion of a conventionally naive bar girl, we Farangs are all some kind of quasi-millionaires) then that's just a welcome side-effect. From this point of view, bar girls are prostitutes, including your super-dooper "girlfriend" of two or three weeks who jobbed only as "waitress" in her bar and is oh-so-special and "different" from all the "other hookers" (sic).
Surprisingly, however, hardly any Pattaya bar girl considers herself a prostitute (i.e. with all the negative connotations the word has) but rather as some kind of escort or a general "service provider." And in fact, the entertaining service bar girls in Pattaya provide rather resembles that of a round-the-clock escort service than prostitution as you may know it from Western countries. This is the famous "girlfriend experience" bar girls provide paying customers with.
A night out in a Pattaya beer bar just isn't like going to a brothel for an anonymous quickie of 30 minutes (after which you'll be pushed out the door to make place for the next guy.) Pattaya's bars are more like regular pubs back home, just with an abundance of attractive and entertaining hostesses who, in exchange for a fee, are ready to accompany you back to your room, cater for your sexual needs if required, act as a virtual tourist guide, and possibly stay with you for as long as your holidays last.
Indeed, the easy-going, friendly and usually hassle-free atmosphere in Pattaya's bar scene, coupled with the typical "take care" attitude of most bar girls, can easily give you the false impression you were staying with a regular girlfriend rather than a prostitute who's getting paid for spending her time with a "sexy man" like you. As matter of fact though, she is getting paid, one way or the other; and now don't you say "My lady never asks me for money", "I'm not paying her for sex" etc. but then buy her a heavy gold necklace or an expensive mobile phone after two weeks of "cheap" company!

19) Bar Girls truly love Farangs, not just their money.
Think about it: how many prostitutes are there actually that do fall in love with their clients just because they've shared a few intimate moments? Not too many, are there? And so why should bar girls make an exception; just because they've spent a couple of days and nights with you as part of a sex worker/client agreement? In other words, when they whisper I like you too much or I love you in your ear after only a handful of days and nights of paid sex and company, well, you shouldn't really pay too much attention. Often they're just trying to bewitch another potential "walking wallet" that might regularly send them money from abroad after the holiday is over.
Then again, Thai bar girls - please excuse this trivial remark - also have a heart which they're capable of giving away, including to Farangs and possibly you. But, here's a crucial point, their choice for a long-term boyfriend or potential future husband generally depends on the chosen one's financial background and his readiness to "take care" of her and her family (e.g. build a house in the village, support her parents, kids etc. financially.) In other words, the financial aspect usually plays a decisive role in determining whether a bar girl will enter a more serious relation with a Farang or not.
Therefore, no matter how young, good-looking and sexually potent you may be or think you are, do never forget the basic rule: "Money Number One". Then again, money alone may not be enough to win the heart of a Pattaya bar girl. When it comes to choosing a boyfriend or potential future husband, for whom she would readily give up the bar job, not only money is a decisive factor but also whether the chosen one is a "good man" with a "good heart" who can credibly promise her a better future, not just financial security, and make a loving husband and father for her kids.

20) Bar Girls dream of getting married with Farangs and going abroad.
Not really. Although most Pattaya bar girls are in search of a long-term foreign boyfriend or husband who can provide regular financial support to them and their families, not so many bar girls are actually keen on visiting their boyfriend's home country or staying there for the rest of their lives. A short visit for three months or so may be okay for the more "adventurous" and open-minded girls; on the long run, however, most Thai women prefer to stay in their home country. In other words: Even if you're married your wife may most likely wish to continue living in Thailand instead of moving to your home country permanently. (If your Thai bride has kids and you wish to live with her in your own country, it could certainly be helpful if you offer her to take the children to live with you as well.)
Why? Strongly attached to their family and children and Thai "culture" in general (yeah, we know that for most girls "culture" essentially refers to their loved Thai/Lao food, access to Thai television, hanging out with their friends etc.) most Thai women simply find it hard to get used to living in a Western country and adjust to a different culture. Think what you like, but many Thai people have been spoiled by a nationalist education system which happily ignores the world beyond Thai borders, and were raised in the belief that Thailand is the ultimate centre of the world where everything non-Thai is simply not on par with their "superior" (sic) culture and traditions. Many Thais certainly realize how quixotic and little sustainable this self-perception is and instead suffer from a covert inferiority complex in the face of the Western world. The lack of readiness to learn a new language also poses a very real problem for Thais that contemplate moving abroad.
In addition to these "cultural" reasons so-to-say, there are also some very mundane reasons why many (former) Thai bar girls don't fancy moving abroad, i.e., many bar girls with Farang boyfriends who don't stay in Thailand permanently themselves - and are therefore more vulnerable to their girlfriends' sweet lies - secretly keep on working in the sex trade, even though their generous Farang darlings have been promised they were staying in the village with their families and kids. Some Pattaya bar girls even have numerous foreign "boyfriends" (sponsors) who support them financially and may all be equally convinced they were the "one and only" for their oh-so-different-Thai lady. Last but not least, other bar girls may secretly still have Thai boyfriends or husbands, often disguised as "brothers", who they won't just leave behind ...

21) Farang - Thai Bar Girl Relationships are doomed to fail.
To be fair, relationships between Pattaya bar girls and foreign visitors may sometimes indeed go beyond the scope of prostitution, develop into true friendships and even "love affairs", based rather on mutual affection than money ("rather" as you will still be expected to support your girl's family financially if you want her to "retire" from the sex trade completely.) Many Western men are happily married to ex-bar girls who eventually turned into caring partners, loyal housewives and mothers. True and lasting love, however, is hard to find in this scene.
As a famous saying alleges: "It's easy to get a girl out of a bar but impossible to get the bar out of the girl." This basically means that many ex-bar girls have completely adapted the typical "bar girl mentality" and simply seen too much of the naughty sides of life to adjust themselves to "life outside the bar" again. They may have enjoyed the job and the accompanying lifestyle (drinking, dancing, partying with friends etc.), the financial rewards for boom boom (and possibly boom boom itself) simply too much, and for too long a period of time, to suddenly reverse to a "normal" lifestyle and make good housewives and loyal partners anymore. Therefore, do carefully deliberate what type of girl your lady is. And if you're serious about your holiday romance (are you??) and want things to go beyond the scope of the typical "sex for money" or holiday girlfriend scheme, please also bear in mind that a lot might will depend on your own attitude and ambitions.
But to stick to the basics: Most bar girls' expectations of a long-term affair with a Farang are restricted to the prospect of a steady income from a foreign "sponsor" who provides monthly financial support from his faraway home country. So if you really can't help falling in love in Pattaya, please don't fall in love too quickly. Take your time, look around; there are thousands of available girls in Pattaya who are willing to become your special friend of the night and perhaps, if you're lucky, persistent and serious enough, even more?
Last but not least: Don't fall for the notorious made-up stories of chronically sick parents, deceased or ill water buffaloes, or brothers who have motorcycle accidents every second month. Be generous if you're happy with "your" lady and her services, but do not let her make a walking ATM of you! A payment of, say, a thousand dollars can easily cure a sick water buffalo; sure enough though, such a quick recovery would immediately make his fellow buffaloes seriously sick ... In other words, use your common sense and don't leave your brain at the airport customs!

Back to ...

Bar Girls Explained: The Truth About Pattaya Bar Girls (Part 1)

'Thailand's Doomsday' or What's Wrong with Pattaya's Bar Girl Industry?

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